Why are gender and sexuality issues for you, rather than simply being a matter of course?
I grew up in an asexual conservative country and culture, where anything to do with sex was simply not spoken of. Maybe you’d have the odd discussion about sex ed but then you’ll get people in prominent places (like the head of a blood disease org one time) claiming that just giving away condoms would lead to promiscuousness and so on. Being called “sexy” was an insult on your character and that of your family.
Growing up I was constantly beaten on the head with notions about being a racial Other (a child of Bangladeshi migrants in Malaysia). It was practically the only thing about my identity that mattered to most people. There was no space at all to consider other aspects of my identity, including gender expression (I went to an all-girls school but we all had to wear the national uniform and I lived in the middle of nowhere so didn’t have much of a social life) and sexuality. I figured I was not-straight when I was about 15, especially after I fell head over heels for my best friend in the most intense way possible, but again I had no space to work this out other than the Internet and books (I learnt sex ed through CD Roms) and all I knew was “sex leads to babies or STDs, it’s messy, no one likes you anyway, it’s more trouble than its worth.”
It wasn’t until I met and got together with Mark a month after moving to Australia in 2006 that I suddenly had a sense of sexuality - hey! Making out is fun! Touch is great! What’s all this!? I also had a taste of queer culture, now that I was in a country where it was legal to be queer, but it wasn’t until a couple of years later and much soul-searching that I felt safe enough to explore gender and sexuality in greater depth.
One main impetus was watching the show Satisfaction, an Aussie drama set in a brothel, which gave me some impetus to investigate the realities of sex work and alternative sexualities (they had fetish and ageplay on the show). My big triggers though came after I finished university - I was cast in the Vagina Monologues as the dominatrix, and I started taking burlesque classes thinking I’d only have 3 months before I left the country and I might as well sneak something naughty in now. Instead, this lead to a veritable rabbit warren of knowledge, stories, and creative expression about sexuality and gender, and that plus my resparked interest in performing led to me staying in Australia so that I could safely explore these issues further.
These past couple of years have really been like a belated teenage rebellion. I’m catching up on experiences most of my peers have had in their teens or early 20s. Every new experience leads to another treasure trove of information, ideas, creativity - and it’s all exciting and fascinating. It’s an aspect of myself long denied to me for most of my life and I’m slowly reclaiming it now.
