Help me desimplify/deconstruct: Rape and Sex

So this conservation happened on Twitter:

@maymaym: Free #Porn Lowers #Rape Rates http://is.gd/aw1Bqp 15-19yo men largest contributor to fewer assaults when given ‘net access. /via @Broadsnark

@tiaramerchgirl @maymaym @Broadsnark doesn’t that reinforce the idea that rape has to do with sexual desire (Rather than power or control)?

@maymaym @tiaramerchgirl Can’t it be both? Dichotomizing #rape as “not about#sex" is inaccurate even if #power's the salient factor. 

@tiaramerchgirl How so? (then I RT @maymaym’s tweet)

@maymaym @tiaramerchgirl Um…what do you mean “how so”? #Rape is “not about #sex" in the same way anorexia is "not about food." C’mon.

@tiaramerchgirl @maymaym Um. I feel you’re heading into MAJORLY problematic territory here (even if I’m too inarticulate to express it) 

 @maymaym @tiaramerchgirl That’s true, I am. :) I’m also thinking of some of @SocDocSN's work. See p. 126 of “Playing on the Edge”http://ur1.ca/2fcpg

I don’t have a copy of the book he linked, so I can’t refer to what he’s pointing to. But I find huge issues with his statements and would like some help articulating them (or hell, if you agree with him, help explain why).

Some thoughts:

  • Rape is about dehumanising - sex just happens to be a tool for dehumanising. It hits at intimacy, personal boundaries, trust, consent.
  • It’s about treating the other person as property rather than a living human being (the person who raped me kept saying I was her “sex toy”)
  • Does it even need to involve sexual activity to be rape? Which definition of “sex”? What about verbal, non-penetrative, other senses?
  • Anorexia - control of body, dysphoria of body image: not just food control, but other issues too - again, food is just a tool
  • Where do you go if you’ve been raped in a sex-positive environment then? (like me)
  • Watching porn still doesn’t necessarily impart good consent skills
  • Sexual frustration and desire - how to release?